Three Up, Three Down

Three Up

That poor, battered thing known as the ECONOMY is — gasp! — rousing from slumber. Who sez? No less than the president of the United States, who spent most of his first three months on the job weaving tales of economic doom while driving spending into the stratosphere. Now Barack Obama says he sees “glimmers of hope” and he’s “absolutely convinced that we’re going to get this economy back on track.” We’d offer caveats, but let’s just savor the good news instead.
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Heaven knows the harrowing nature of the experience American cargo ship Capt. RICHARD PHILLIPS is enduring at this moment. But we can’t help but admire the guy’s pluck. He jumped from a lifeboat where he’s being held hostage by Somali pirates and tried to escape before the bad guys fished him back out of the water. Once the hostage crisis ends, the U.S. should send a message to Somali buccanneers that future activities of this kind would be, ahem, inadvisable.
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Boys squeezing into those nasty neckties and girls donning frilly hats and white gloves is a sure sign that the Easter holiday has arrived and SPRING — not just the dates on the calendar but the end of cold weather — truly has come with it. Snow in March and cold snaps in April? Did Al Gore remember to tell Ol’ Man Winter about global warming?

Three Down

Gosh, that Fidel is just awesome. On the heels of President Obama’s bow that wasn’t — except for the bowing part — before Saudia Arabia’s King Abdullah, Democratic congressmen paid a visit to Castro and his brother Raul and then proceeded straight to servile fawning. “In my household,” cooed Rep. BOBBY RUSH, D-Ill., “I told Castro, he is known as the ultimate survivor.” Funny, in most households Castro is known as a totalitarian who crushes his people like bugs. Oh well. Dems say tomato, we say stinking communist thug.
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So the real question is, when Vice President JOE BIDEN talks to himself in the shower, does anybody listen? Turns out Dick Cheney’s not the only veep who liked to hang with President George W. Bush. Biden claims that while he was still a senator, he and Dubya spent hours alone together. Sounds romantic. Except Biden says he had to rebuff Bush more than a few times. Trouble is, Bush people say Biden never hung alone with the Prez. Perhaps Joe misremembers.
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It’s TAX TIME again, which means it’s time for Americans to wrap up the 7.6 billion hours they spend every year wading through the ridiculously complex IRS code, all based on the faint hope that Uncle Sam might not reach into their wallets to pluck out still more money after confiscating it from wages all year long. But remember what ol’ VP Joe says: Paying your taxes is patriotic, unless, of course, one happens to be an Obama Cabinet member. Then it’s just plain stupid.