Three Up; Three Down

THREE UP

Cops take their share of lumps, but Waynesboro police Officer PAUL JOHNSON reminds us why this group merits appreciation every day for the risks they take. Chief Doug Davis honored Johnson this week for his role in collaring two men who’d shot their girlfriends in separate incidents. In one of those cases, Johnson used his Taser to stun a suspect later convicted of shooting his girlfriend in the back of the head from point-blank range. A gun sat next to the suspect on the seat of his car, Johnson said. Here’s to Johnson and his fellow men and women in blue for keeping the city safe.

So where are the party hats, people? Nineteen of the nation’s largest BANKS could lose $600 billion by the end of next year. Yippee? Well, yeah. Many observers thought the results of so-called stress tests on banks conducted by feds would be far gloomier. Buyers were impressed enough to drive up banks’ stock prices. Questions linger over the credibility of the stress tests – did government allow the brighter picture? Who knows? We’ll take a slight semblance of good news where we can get it.

On the team that made the Reagan Revolution happen, JACK KEMP was the signalcaller, the guy who made the big domestic plays. The former Congressman’s supply-side theory fueled Reaganomics and economic expansion that stretched across two decades and three presidencies. He died a week ago today after a long fight with cancer. The free-market spirit beloved by the former pro quarterback appears to have gone with him.

THREE DOWN

There was an historic upset in BASEBALL this week. Manny Ramirez was suspended for drug use. No surprise there. But it was for performance-enhancing drugs. The smart money had been on the mind-altering kind. This is the same guy, after all, who left uncashed $978,000 in paychecks stuffed in his Red Sox locker and once paid a kid thousands of dollars to wash his car. The big paydays may be over. Ramirez’s suspension could prove a career-ender. But baseball is the real loser. The juice has sapped the game.

Say it ain’t so, Joe: Poor Vice President JOE BIDEN can’t escape himself. A few days after his infamous flu gaffe, in which he spread panic President Barack Obama had labored to avoid, the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority took out a full-page ad in USA Today. A headline admonished: “Mister Vice President, if you had said it here no one would have known,” a reference to the city’s “What Happens Here Stays Here” slogan. Or Obama might find a nice confined space in which to store his VP till 2012.

Even stepping out with ol’ Joe results in Obama stepping in it. The prez and his veep took a ride to Arlington this week for burgers, like a pair of real Americans. Then Obama – gasp! – ordered DIJON MUSTARD, transforming working-stiff fare into elitist eats. Tongues swiftly wagged on conservative radio airwaves. To which Obama is rumored to have responded: “I thought we were sending Biden to the Balkans.”