Consider the receiving end

Newly appointed Attorney General Eric Holder recently stated that, in his opinion, when it comes to talking about racial matters in America that there is a reluctance to do so because we are a nation of cowards.

When the 24-hour television news stations first reported on his remarks they emphasized “a nation of cowards.” It wasn’t until the viewer had an opportunity to hear the full statement and the context in which it was given that his words didn’t seem as “harsh,” for lack of a better term.

As an opinion writer who has attempted to present what I consider to be a “black” point of view, I can relate to Holder’s words, his reasons and views.

For the last six years, most of my columns have been about racial issues. In most instances when complaining or declaring an abuse or insensitivity, I also tried to give opinions from the African-American perspective.

What I’ve discovered over the course of appearing in two local newspapers (including The News Virginian) is that Holder’s reasoning is right but his choice of words – “nation of cowards” – raised the hairs on the backs of the necks of most whites and a few blacks.

Most people, regardless of their ethnicity or race, hate to be told they’re wrong. So it’s mandatory that before one extends a negative premise, one must first give thought to how the sound of that premise will be heard by the person or people on the receiving end.

There’ve been times when I have written opinions that brought public and private responses. Opinions about the Confederacy and the Confederate flag, dogs (the Michael Vick case) and most recently my thoughts about fans at a Virginia Tech-Virginia football game drew the most public response.

Privately, the most responses came when I wrote about the Ku Klux Klan, OJ Simpson and President Bill Clinton.

Personally, I think there’s a reluctance among whites to openly discuss race and racial issues because whites don’t want to appear or to be thought of as bigots, prejudiced or insensitive. Rather than be misunderstood, they will avoid the subject of race.

African Americans avoid openly discussing race and racial issues because they may fear reprisal on the job – no promotion or being labeled an agitator (like the Rev. Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton) or because they don’t want to embarrass whites.

An example of what I mean by the last statement, embarrass whites: Let’s say I’m in a restaurant and all the other customers are white. A white person I know or work with approaches. Instead of just saying “Hello, Nelson,” he says, “Hi, boy, how are you doing?”

I’m immediately irritated and ticked off but rather than correct him in front of the other customers, I answer, “okay” and move on.

I could have called him on his insensitive remark but didn’t. Instead I’m angry with myself for not correcting the demeaning remark but rationalize that I didn’t want to embarrass him.

As Holder said, I was a coward.

Nelson Graves, of Augusta County, is a columnist for The News Virginian. E-mail him at .