New directions

It was a terrible few months, but it changed her life, says Stacy Long. Almost 14 years ago, she was confined to bed in the early months of pregnancy with her son, Jacob, now 13.

“Naturally, I was frightened,” she said. But she was also very bored. A young teacher accustomed to an extremely busy life, Long used the time to take online courses towards a second degree, this time in social work.

“I should have had a clue from the start that I belonged in this field,” she said. “I spent all my free time volunteering.”

Long finished her degree and went on to work at Big Brothers, Big Sisters of the Central Blue Ridge.

Today, she’s in her fourth year as administrative director of New Directions Center Inc. The agency provides resources for people who are emotionally, physically and sexually abused.

It’s a field that many would find frustrating.

“The average abused person tries to leave their situation between seven and 15 times before they finally leave for good,” she said. “So even as we provide counseling and a safe place for people, we know that this may not be the time they’ll have the strength to turn their lives around.”

There are hundreds of reasons why people choose to stay in an abusive relationship, Long said.

“Abused women have often been isolated by their abuser: not allowed to take a job or have a car or any money of their own. If there are children involved, they’re terrified for their well-being.”

The agency also serves abused men.

“Believe me, it happens,” she said. New Directions works with hospitals, nurses, social workers and the police to provide a safe, temporary refuge for those who need a few weeks of safety.

The economy is a factor in her work, affecting the people she serves in a number of different ways.

“First, stress about the loss of a job or the loss of a house just increases the likelihood of violence,” she said. “And once people come to the shelter, they’ll need to find a job and housing before they can move on.

“We’re seeing people staying here for a couple of months rather than a few weeks.” It adds to her worry that there are no other safe houses in the area she serves.

“We’re pretty much it.”

Long never has to wonder if it’s worth it. She hears from someone every day that it is.

From one young adult: “I had nowhere to turn. When I found New Directions, I found a place of refuge. I no longer had to barricade my door at night for fear of my mom kicking down the door, high on drugs and in a drunken rage. New Directions was not only a place where my son felt safe but a place where I could get back on my feet and be independent again. They helped me set goals.”

Long would like nothing more than to make the need for the shelter obsolete.

“Obviously, we need to educate our young people on what is and is not acceptable,” she said.

Although the growing ability of women to make their own living has helped, it seems popular culture is always working against the idea of strong, healthy relationships, she said.

“Listen to the words of some popular music and you’ll understand why our message is so important.”

The publicity surrounding celebrities who abuse each other and lyrics that glorify violence towards women don’t help, she said. She sees young people believing that jealousy is a sign of love.

“We see teenagers, both boys and girls, who want to have control of every minute of their partner’s lives. We hear them say, ‘They only do it because they love me so much.’ ”

New Directions outreach staff members bring a different message to area middle schools and high schools.

“We’ve talked to young girls outraged by teenage boys who would just grab them in the halls, but thought there was nothing they could do about it. We let them know they can always take a stand.”

The boys, who are exposed to plenty of media images of confident males insulting women, are also subject to abuse themselves.

“We let them know that it’s not ‘cute’ or healthy for their girlfriends to be hitting them,” Long said.

Another New Directions client shares, “(They) taught me to say ‘No.’ I have learned I do not have to give all of me away to be loved. True friends and family will always be there for you, no matter what. New Directions is exactly that — true friends and family for me.”

With dwindling resources, Long has two words for anyone who thinks they don’t have enough of a contribution to make a difference, “Toilet paper.” she said.

Recently, she was invited to pick up a donation from the Shenandoah Valley Harley owners group.

“I walked in and there was a table piled high,” she said. Long said anything you use at home, she needs at the shelter, times 23 – the number of beds she has there. This includes shampoo, lotion, sheets, pillows and blankets.

Even with her budget tightening, Long says she has a lot to be thankful for: a hardworking board with a real male presence, good relationships with school administrators, the police and the social work community and a chance to make a difference in the future of the area’s young people.

In her free time, Long is a thrift shop connoisseur, and delights in finding bargains with the eclectic look she favors for her home, office and personal style.
As for Jacob, the miracle baby who caused Long’s new direction, and just became a teenager, she says, “He’s been involved in community service all his life.
“He really gets it.”